Week 2 - Revenge of the faggots

What is there left to say about the action in week 2? It was close and competitive as usual. And much to everyones chagrin, Brown stole the show. God knows we all fucking hate when he does that. Let's get to the action.

The records for the week for all teams are as follows:

Satterfield/Lazzo - Oops, looks like these faggots had a bye week.
Dolan/Na-na-na-na-Nathaniel - 0-2 Recording the first OFER of the year. Congrats, you pussies.
Plum/Nate - 1-2 If we have to go first next week, I'm gonna start choppin dicks off.
Brown/Cole - 3-1 Show me someone in the league who doesn't hate this team, I'll show you a bullshitter
DHersch/TNJohnRob - 2-2 Nice effort, but effort doesn't earn you the green. The monetary green anyways

Now to what (only selfish assholes) people really care about, the cash totals for the season, the first number being the weekly total, followed by the totals for the season.

***Let me interrupt by saying that Dan "Formerly Gay Tap" Hersch sank the motherfuck on Brown/Cole to send the title matchup into a sudden death game.
The game ends 8-6 in favor or Hersch/JohnRob, and I know I speak on everyones behalf when I say that I couldn't be happier with this result.

Sinker totals:

Plum- 1 Nice total, asshole - 3 for the season
Nate - 0 Nice showing this week - 4 for the season
Na-na-Nathaniel - 1 Sorry for the early exit - 4 for the season
D-Daddy Dolan - 0 Way to contribute - 3 for the season
Satterfield/Lazzo - Record zero sinks because Lazzy doesn't take care of his shit early enough
DHersch - 3 holy fuck this is surprising - 8 FOR THE YEAR. At this point we're giving this guy the comeback player of the year award.
JohnRob - 3 No one cares - 4 for the year
Brown - 9 Everyone fucking hates you - 17 for the season. It hurts my fingers just to type that.
Cole - 4 Getting carried as usual - 8 for the season

Until next week

Welcome to the 2008-2009 WU Beer Die League

To those who aren't familiar with the blog, this is where the official records are kept for your viewing pleasure. We have a few new members and teams this year, and after one week it has been as competitive as ever. Lets get to what really matters.

The only teams that are returning from last season are the combos of Brown/Cole and Plum/Nate...so here are the new teams for new season:

-"D-Daddy" Dolan/Nathaniel
-Dan "No longer gay-tap Hersch/ThatNiggaJohnRob
-Satterfield/LazzzMatazzzzz

So with the teams set and ready to battle, I'll briefly address the rules for the new season.

-The loser of the first game of the night is sent directly to the short-die table (which sucks balls) to play the loser of the 2nd game. With our trademark double-elimination format, the loser of the short-die game is immediately out and left to feel like faggot bitches for the rest of the night.
-The rest of the matchups for the night are based on who plays who, with a winner-take-all monetary policy on a weekly basis.

Alright, since everyone in this league *cough cough Brown* are selfish faggots who only worry about how many sinkers they have on a weekly basis, here are the first sinker totals for the new season:

Brown: 8
Cole: 4
Dolan: 3
Nathaniel: 3
Plum:2
Nate:4
Dan:5
JohnRob:1
Lazzzzzz:1
Satterfield:0

For the new year, I'm going to say fuck it to posting the overall records for the season, and just give you cum-guzzling faggots the win totals for the week:

Plum/Nate - 2
DHersch/JohnRob - 1
Satterfield/Lazzzzz - Cero
D-Daddy/Nathaniel - 3
Brown/Cole - 2

Lets get to some match highlights from the first night of action

In game one, the league heavyweights (Brown/Cole, Plum/Nate) again battled to the very end, with Brown/Cole coming out on top 8-6.

DHersch/JohnRob v. D-Daddy/Nathaniel was a match for the ages. Hersch/Rob battle out of a 3-6 hole to tie the game....only to lose in dramatic fashion 10-8. It was an excellent mix of offense and defense, and again the game of die proves to be the most volitile badass game on the planet.

What a shocker: Brown/Cole v. Plum/Nate II (we really need to get some fucking team names) was a battle worthy of being replayed on ESPNClassic. This battle finished with an epic score of 13-11 in favor of the bad guys, which left Plum/Nate hanging their heads in shame. Fuck this game.

"The Battle Royal (with cheese)"
The championship matchup between Brown/Cole D-Daddy/Nathaniel.
*Actually, I'm currently watching this game and its getting more heated than Brown's pants while watching gay porn.
***Update: D-Daddy/Nathaniel take the week with a solid 8-6 beating of Brown/Cole

Alright, it's time to wrap up the week 1 summary, see all of you bastards next week.

Week 10

CASH totals:

Brown
Cole
Nate
Plum
Dolan -
Dan - 1

Records -

Brown/Cole - 18-10
Plum/Nate - 14-14
Dolan/Dan - 7-14

Week 7

Another action-packed week, for two teams at least.

CASH totals for the year:

Brown - 20*** Three asterisks for cheating
Cole - 16* --> Cup-to-cup cash
Nate - 25* Adds 8 to his total this week, by far the best individual performance of the year
Plum - 16* A weak ass one cash in Week 7
Dolan - 8 Continues to be handicapped by Butterfingers Hersch
Dan - 1 One cash? Jesus.

League Standings

Brown/Cole --> 2-2 for the week; 15-10 on the season

Plum/Nate --> 3-1 on the week; 13-12 on the season

Dolan/Dan --> 0-2 on the week (shocker); 7-12 on the season

With Dolan/Dan 8 games out of first, they pretty much need to win every week from here on out. Thank you for your monetary donations gentlemen.

Week I don't know

Brown/Cole, Plum/Nate both went 2 wins 2 losses, and Dolan/Dan went 1-2, cementing their spot as the shittiest team in the league.

CASH totals for the season:

Brown/Barry Bonds - 16*****(Cheater!!!)
Cole - 12
Plum- 15* (cashed out of own cup into Brown's)
Nate- 17*
Dan - 1 (cash a cup for fuck's sake)
Dolan - 8

Brown/Cole owe $10 for this week, and Dolan/Dan owe $5 for this week. As of next week it will be $15/$10, respectively. Don't be bitches about paying. ZACK BROWN IS A PUSSY. And everyone agrees.

Congratulations to Brown

We are issuing a league-wide congratulations to Zack Brown, who is the second man to ever complete the El Agave challenge (Five 32-oz beers in two hours). He had his tab paid for, and naturally, he is ecstatic to be joining the exclusive fraternity of those who have finished the Challenge. CONGRATS BROWN!

Week 5.....I think?

Week five was filled with ups and downs, so I'll get right to it.

Brown/Cole have taken the middle finger trophy for the first few weeks of the year, but it will no longer be staying at Brown's house.

Coming out of nowhere, Dan "Gay Die Tap" Hersch and Robert Dolan were the big swingers of the week. They took 2/2 games from Plum/Nate, and managed to come away this week with a 3-1 record.

Plum/Nate scored both wins against Brown/Cole, which is a huge bonus to the league.

All in all, here are the records after the 5th week of action:

Brown/Cole: 11-6 on the year, and losing momentum by the moment!

Plum/Nate: 8-9 on the season, inching closer and closer to the #1 spot.

Dan "gay tap" Hersch/Dolan(Wobret Dean): 6-8 on the season and gaining ground.

This was a very surprising week, with Dan/Dolan taking the Middle Finger trophy. Their win not only got them back in the game, but kept the gap between 1st and 2nd relatively close. And everyone still agrees that Zack Brown is a fucking faggot and nothing will change.

Here are the league stats on the season:

Brown - 14*
Cole - 8 (after a very impressive week)
Nate - 11*
Plum - 11
Dan - 1
Dolan - 6

If we don't manage to get a game in before next week, I wish you all an awesome spring break. Except Brown of course. The league is really taking shape now, and we all look forward to badass competition from here on out.

What time is it? Blog time, WHOOP!

Week 4

Week 4 was the most hard-fought week of the entire season. While Dan/Dolan failed to show up (ok, maybe just Dan), the other two teams of the league squared off in the two best games of the year. With Plum/Nate leading two games to zero, Brown/Cole refused to give up all night long.

Brown/Cole saved match-points in the remaining two games, and they once again take home the middle finger trophy this week. That's three out of four weeks! Shit.

Even though they took home the victory, the league still agrees that Zack Brown is one of the biggest pussies to walk the earth.

***SEASON STATISTICS***

Brown/Cole --> 3-1 on the week 10-4 on the season.

Plum/Nate --> 2-2 on the week 6-7 on the season

Dan/Dolan --> 0-2 on the week 3-7 on the season

***CASHES***
Brown - 11* (Zach Brown is the whiny little Barry Bonds bitch of this league)
Cole - 4
Nate - 9*
--Unlike Zack, Nathan happened to score an extra legal cash. Playing at Cole/Dolan's house, he tossed a die into Brown's cup after a cash, adding to his total. (Again, legally)
Plum - 9
Dan - 1
Dolan - 4

On a side note, Brown has agreed to eat a substantial amount of mushrooms for his birthday. What a great idea! Can't wait for spring break.

Week 3 - UPDATE

Everyone is still here, so I'm gonna keep this brief. I hated the outcome of this week, and all of you assholes are lucky that Nate and I were off.

Here are the win totals for the SEASON:

Brown/Cole: 7-3

Plum/Nate: 4-5

Dolan/Pussy Tap: 3-5

The only team that owes money up to this point is Dan/Dolan. Bring your money to the leauge next week.

But we have to give credit where credit is due, so Cole/Brown deserve credit for playing great die tonight.

Here are the CASH totals for the year.

Brown - 6*
Cole - 4
Nate - 6
Plum - 6
Dolan - 4
Dan - 1

Those are your season statistics, take them as you will. We all look forward to going to battle next week. Faggots.

Attention Smokers

Quit making us wait until the wee-hours of the night to finish these games because you faggots have to smoke. Everyone who doesn't smoke is tired of it. Including the author of this blog.
We hope you all die of early emphysema at age 28.

Week 3 - LIVE BLOG!

This game is Dolan/Dan "Gay table tap" Hersch vs. Brown/Cole

Pt. 1 - Brown/Cole execute homosexual handshake after scoring the first point on Dan

Pt. 2 - Gay Tap sinks one in Brown's cup to tie the game at one, and records his first cash of the night.

*After the cash, Brown rolls a 5.....Dolan/Gay Tap have to drink the whole beer!

Pt. 3 - Brown has a lapse in concentration, Dolan/Dan take the lead 2-1

Pt. 4 -QUICK REPLY! Brown scores on the next throw to pull even at 2

Pt. 5 - Brown spins one nasty off the table, he and Cole take the lead 3-2

Pt. 6 - NICE! Brown and Cole are sucking each other off with the handshake, take the lead 4-2

Pt. 7 - Dolan with a quick reply! Cashes on Cole's cup, brings the score to 4-3

Pt. 8 - (Brown GUARANTEES that Cole sinks it here, (doubtful)) To steal a line from Ben Folds Five - "She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly" Cole bricks it off the table. Dolan scores a quick point! 4-4

Pt. 9 - Dolan/Dan - pull ahead 5-4

Pt. 10 - Dolan/Dan - 6-4, and by Jesus, this league is getting out of control

Pt. 11 - Brown scores to go 5-6, and I'm being labeled the drunk dumbass for not scoring correctly

Pt. 12 - Holy fuck! Brown fades away to tie the score at 6! Amazing!

Pt. 13 - Brown knocks one off the cup, takes the lead 7-6

Pt. 14 - Wow - Brown front-faces one off Dan's cup, takes the game 8-6! Hard-fought. I'm now going to work.

Season Stats

Just to clarify....a "cash" is when a player throws a die and manages to drill it directly into the opponent's cup. These are the number of "cashes" on the season.

Brown - 2*
Cole - 3
Dolan - 4
Dan - 0
Nate -4
Plum - 4

The league has agreed to negate stats from Week 1. The league also agrees that Zack Brown is a pussy.

The fact that Brown is trying to legitimize his Week 1 stats is merely a sign of desperation. Good luck to everyone in Week 3.

And the most important element: the overall records for each team. (Are as follows)

Brown/Cole - 4-2

Plum/Nate - 3-3

Dolan/Dan - 2-3

ALL TEAMS OWE MONEY FOR WEEK 2....NO EXCEPTIONS.

* - As one can see, Brown has his pink panties in a bunch about how many cashes he's got. So from now on, he's going to get the Barry Bonds asterisk.

Week 2

Well boys, it was a hard-fought night with a (predictably) different outcome than Week 1.

Here's what I'll try to do from now on: try to the best of my wasted ability to recap every game of the night.

Game 1: Brown/Cole vs. Plum/Nate - By far the best game of the short season. Plum makes what could arguably the best catch of the season. Brown tosses the die off of Nate's cup, ricocets off of both of Plum's knees, off both of his hands and falls into his grasp. Nate tosses a textbook off-the-edge throw which is caught by Brown. This without a doubt changest the momentum. Plum/Nate leads 5-3, and Brown/Cole come back with a vengence to take the game 9-7. W/O a doubt the best game of the season, with both teams acknowledging such. Hard-fought to the end.

Game 2: Dolan/Dan vs. Brown/Cole - Man, this shit dragged out forever (51 minutes to be exact). The game seemed to be tied at 2-2, until Dan/Dolan made a serious move to take the game in a landslide.

Game 3: Dolan/Dan vs. Plum/Nate - This game was without a doubt back-and-forth. Dan/Dolan led 5-3 in this game, but Plum/Nate went on a ridiculous run to finish the game 7-5.

I'm wasted so I'll keep this short. Plum/Nate went to town while all three teams were tied at 1-1.

Boys, this was a great week. We can only hope that every week is as competitive as this, and we look forward to our meeting next week.

House Rules - Misty Glen

Just so everyone is clear on the rules for all 3 houses, I'll be posting all rules right here to avoid any confusion.

1.) If the die hits the ceiling, the throw is automatically negated.
- In the event that the die hits the ceiling and finds its way into the opponents' cup, it will count as a CASH and a POINT.

2.) Teams have the ability to deem a throw "too low."
- If the die hits the table on a low call, it still must be caught. Otherwise, the team will be granted a re-throw.

3.) All games are played to 7, with beers being finished at 3 points. In the event of a "cash," the next finishing point will be adjusted to 3 from the current number.
- i.e. you cash for you second point, the opposing team now drinks at 5.

4.) Two-handed catches, traps and waterfalls are obviously illegal.

5.) Only "props" (i.e. "Damn Nathan has some fucking sweet hands," or "Plum is a sniper with that die") will be given for an extreme effort to catch a die. No actual points are given. Sorry.

6.) Any name-calling is always permitted. Such as "Robert is such a faggot," or "Dan is such a Jew," or "Brown is such a pussy," and "Cole, drink your beer ," is always permitted.

7.) All beers finished, no questions asked every single game. That means don't eat "burrito burgers" before coming to play.

Week 1

Welcome to the weekly drunken roundup of the week's action. Brown and Cole took home the title this week, but we all know that their victory will be short-lived.

OVERALL RECORDS

Brown/Cole - 3 wins, 0 losses

Dolan/Dan - 1 win, 2 losses

Nate/Plum - 0 wins, 2 losses


This blog will be the official score-keeper as the season goes on. Best of luck to Nate and Plum.